I Can’t Believe I’m Admitting This… I’m so Addicted
Gospello please hide my identity
Mehn… this thing dey choke me. I’ve never told anybody before. Not even my best friend. But I can’t keep pretending like I’m okay.
The truth is… I’m addicted to pornography. There, I said it. I don’t even know how it started sef, maybe secondary school days when one guy just showed me something on his phone. Since then ehn, omo… it’s like a hook.
I’ll say “this is the last time” but before I know it I’m back again. Sometimes I’ll even be in church and the images will just be playing in my head. And then I’ll feel so dirty… like, how can God even look at me like this?
I’ve deleted apps, I’ve prayed, I’ve cried, I’ve even fasted. But when that urge comes, my body no dey hear word. And after I finish, I’ll just sit there like… “see your life.”
You know what I noticed? I’m starting to hide from people more. Cos if anybody even touches my phone by mistake, I’ll panic. It’s like I’m living double life… smiling outside but inside I’m drowning.
Sometimes I wonder if deliverance is the only way out or maybe I’m just doomed like this forever. But wait… if I can’t even tell anybody face to face, how will I ever be free?
Anyway sha… I just had to type it out before my chest explodes.
Gospello please, abeg, hide my identity.
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