CONFESSION: How Jealousy Made Me Pray Against My Best Friend

CONFESSION: How Jealousy Made Me Pray Against My Best Friend

Jealousy is a devilish spirit i must tell you. It started small. Just harmless. My best friend dey shine… everything just dey work for her. New job, new car, fiancé wey dey worship the ground she dey walk on. Me I go dey smile for her front like good person… but inside my chest, something dey bite me. I go dey clap for her… but my heart go dey tight.

At first I tell myself say it’s normal… you know, just small jealousy. But mehn, it grew. Before I know, I dey kneel down for prayer, and instead of blessing her, I dey ask God make her stumble small. Like… how wicked can somebody be? Imagine me wey dey call myself Christian. Instead of interceding for my friend, I dey secretly hope her engagement scatter.

And the worst part… I go still hug her, gist with her, even post her picture with love captions. Fake life. But deep down, I dey wait for bad news. Every time she send me testimony update, my stomach go turn. I no even know if na village people dey use me or if na me truly wicked like this.

But wait… is it just me? Have you ever prayed nonsense prayers before? Like you dey talk to God but na your bitterness dey control your mouth. I dey imagine God just dey look me like, “see my daughter.” Sometimes after I finish, guilt go drown me… but later the feeling go come again.

I love God oh, but I swear sometimes I hate the person I dey turn into. I fit open Bible, read “love your neighbour” but inside my head I dey calculate why she deserve setback. I dey confuse myself. One day I even dey ask, “God, why her and not me?” Like I want God to explain Himself to me.

And then… I can’t believe I actually said it… I told God, “if her relationship break, maybe it will humble her.” Immediately I talk am, silence just heavy for the room. I weak. That night I no even fit sleep. My conscience just dey hammer me.

I noticed it happens more when my own life feel stuck. If I get rejection mail or quarrel with my man, suddenly my prayer points for her go turn dark. But when I get small blessing, I fit manage pray good prayer for her. So is it that I don’t really hate her, I just hate my own situation?

Sometimes I dey laugh with her on call, but in my heart I dey drag her with God. That’s betrayal. She trusts me… she confides in me… and me I dey raise altar against her behind her back.

I no even know why I dey type this now… maybe I just dey tired of the double face. Maybe God wan expose my heart to myself. Or maybe somebody out there dey fight this same thing and need to know say you’re not alone.