(PARENT) If You Want Children to Always Open Up to You, Do These 3 Things (Works Like Magic)

I was one of those children who never told my parents anything. They would find out about my school wahala from neighbors, hear about my friendships from other people, and sometimes discover things about my life weeks after they happened. It wasn’t because I didn’t love them… I just felt like they wouldn’t understand or that I’d get into trouble for being honest.

Now that I’m a parent myself, I see things differently. I watch some of my friends’ children tell them absolutely everything… who they have a crush on, what happened at school, even their silly mistakes. And I used to wonder, what’s the secret? How do some parents create that kind of relationship where their children see them as safe people to talk to?

After studying these families closely and making some changes in my own parenting, I discovered 3 things that work like magic. And honestly, the results shocked me.

1. Stop Reacting Like the World is Ending to Everything They Tell You

This one was hard for me to learn because my natural instinct as a parent is to panic when my child tells me something concerning. But here’s what I noticed… the moment you start shouting, lecturing, or making a big drama out of what they share, that’s the last time they’ll be honest with you about anything serious.

When my 10-year-old daughter told me that a boy in her class kissed her cheek, my first instinct was to march to that school and demand to see that little boy’s parents. But instead, I took a deep breath and asked her, “How did that make you feel?” We had the most honest conversation about boundaries and appropriate behavior without me turning into a screaming banshee.

The magic happens when your children realize that telling you the truth doesn’t automatically mean chaos and punishment. They start to see you as someone who can help them navigate problems rather than someone who will make their problems worse.

2. Share Your Own Mistakes and Struggles (Age-Appropriately)

This one changed everything for me. Nigerian parents, we like to act like we were perfect angels who never did anything wrong when we were young. But our children are not stupid… they know we’re human, and when we pretend otherwise, it creates distance.

I started sharing some of my own childhood mistakes with my children. Not the deep, traumatic stuff, but the relatable things like how I once lied to my teacher about not doing homework, or how I felt embarrassed when I had a crush on my classmate. When they realize that you’ve been through similar experiences and survived, they stop seeing you as this untouchable authority figure who wouldn’t understand their world.

My son was struggling with a bully at school, and he finally opened up to me after I told him about how I dealt with a bully when I was his age. He said, “Daddy, I didn’t know you went through the same thing.” That conversation brought us closer than any lecture about “telling daddy everything” ever could.

3. Create Regular One-on-One Time Without Phones or Distractions

This is where most of us fail as parents. We expect our children to open up during rushed moments… when we’re cooking dinner, driving to school, or half-watching TV. But real connection happens when you give someone your complete, undivided attention.

I started having what I call “gist time” with each of my children individually. No phones, no TV, no other siblings around. Just me and one child, sometimes over ice cream, sometimes just sitting on the bed before bedtime. During these times, I don’t ask direct questions like “how was school?” Instead, I just talk about random things and let them lead the conversation.

You’ll be surprised what children will tell you when they feel like they have your full attention and there’s no pressure to share. My teenage daughter, who used to give me one-word answers, now tells me about her friendship drama, her worries about exams, and even asks for advice about boys.

The Real Magic Ingredient

But here’s the thing that makes all these techniques work… you have to genuinely care about what your children think and feel, not just what they do. When they sense that you’re truly interested in their inner world, not just their behavior or performance, they naturally want to let you in.

Stop trying to be the perfect parent who has all the answers. Instead, be the safe parent who listens without judgment, shares wisdom without preaching, and loves without conditions. Your children will start running to you with their problems instead of running away from you.

Trust me, when your teenager calls you first when something goes wrong, you’ll know the magic is working.