I Lied About Being a Virgin, Now I’m Stuck

I Lied About Being a Virgin, Now I’m Stuck

So everyone around me… even in church… they all believe I’m this “good girl.” My mum brags about me, my pastor always uses me as example for other girls. They think I kept myself pure. But the truth? I lost my virginity two years ago.

It wasn’t even love, it was just one stupid relationship I thought was real. The guy kept pressuring me, saying “if you love me, you’ll do it.” I tried to resist, but one day I gave in. And since then… I just couldn’t tell anyone. I broke up with him after, but the secret is still haunting me.

Now the painful part… I’ve been lying. Anytime people make jokes about “virgins in church” or when pastor talks about keeping yourself, I just smile and pretend. Inside me I’m like… if only you knew. Sometimes I even feel like God will expose me one day in front of everybody.

You know what I noticed? The lie has chained me more than the act itself. Every time I want to open up, fear just grips me… what will people think? What if my mum finds out? What if my pastor starts looking at me like I’m dirty?

But wait… does God still see me as pure if I’ve repented? Or is it too late? I’ve asked Him for forgiveness, cried countless times, but I still carry shame like heavy load. I don’t even know how to forgive myself.

Honestly… I’m tired. I just want peace. I want to feel free again. I want to stop acting like someone I’m not. Please if you’re reading this, just pray for me. I don’t need judgment, I’ve already judged myself enough.

…Gospello please hide my identity.